“Do you like yourself?” he asked.
I burst out laughing. I must’ve laughed for fifteen seconds.
“Does anyone answer ‘yes’ to that question?” I replied, once I finally got a handle on it.
“Yes,” he replied flatly. Apparently the part of therapy where they “hold space” includes pregnant pauses while they wait for you to do…something.
“Well then: No. I don’t like myself.” Things you don’t stay to a therapist: Stop this train; I want to get off.
I’m sitting here at desk AUS13 07.580.K3, and I’m tired.
Last weekend, Whitney called an audible and sent me up to Abiline on Sunday and Monday to attend the ACU Presidential Scholars Reception and tour day.
This was also the day Maria decided ACU would be her undergraduate choice, culminating 2 years of college visits. I’m not 100% on this list, but I think she visited:
Maria was resolved to attend a school in Texas so some of the schools we dangled before her (Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, Alabama, Vandy, etc.) didn’t resonate at all. General feedback on preferences:
Yesterday was about shock. Trying to gather information. Trying to simply comprehend.
Today is the next phase: Anger. I know what happened. I can’t fathom why and the company I hired on to 10 years ago seems gone.
Stretching back to Lexmark days, every layoff has been either about (1) culling low performers or (2) axing large swathes of people from a failed strategy. Those make sense, and one can even predict them. For about 5 years there, Lexmark didn’t even manage low-performers at all, so layoffs were the only way Bob down the hall who couldn’t code his way out of a Perl script was going to go away.
So this happened.
Yep. Sixteen thousand Amazonians lost their jobs today. This follows 14k layoffs last October, for a nice, round 30k in 4 months.
Here’s a play-by-play
Tuesday
10:00pm - Notice you're a little anxious
11:00pm - Attempt to go to bed, surf Blind incessantly because there was already a leak of an email "Following-up on Beth's email"
Wednsday
12:00am - Finally fall asleep
05:00am - Wake up stark awake, check phone, notice that 0 emails have shown-up. No text messages either
06:00am - Alarm goes off. Stumble through morning routine, notice an email from HR. Understand I'm not actually fired but 16,000 people are.
08:00am - head to work.
09:00am - Arrive to work, get coffee with PM. Looks like at least some of the PM group is laid-off. Send slack message to group saying we're all safe.
From there, it’s slowly understanding that this one hasn’t passed us by. At all. Hallway conversations ensue–a favorite QA person is gone. Several Product Managers. Some tech teams have lost SDEs, then the bombshells start.
Amazon apparently has a mole.
There’s a poster on TeamBlind who goes by the handle “QuickSuite” who’s been giving play-by-play since October on what’s going on with layoffs. The date’s moved from 1/26 -> 1/28 (per rumor) and numbers are up in the air. Feels like everyone below VP level is nervous.
In any case, quarterly earnings come out 2/5, so it’ll certainly be this week.
I was speaking with a colleague last week who’s barely a year into Amazon, and he said, “I mean…would it be so bad to get laid off?” That seems to be a common sentiment. I understand where he’s coming from…the place can be a pressure cooker, especially for affirmation-seaking Type-A personalities. The joke within is: “This is the place where smart people come to feel bad about themselves.”
They used to say that war was “Months of boredom interpspersed with moments of sheer terror”
That’s been work since I got back from Universal.
It’s been so…eerily normal. Daily standups. Sprint planning. Bug fixes. Small, slight Operations changes.
Honestly, it’s like we looked at December when everyone was on leave and said, “Umm….yeah, just do that for a few weeks. We’ll get back to you.” Product Managers have been kibbutzing away from the rest of us. Plans within plans within obscure plans.
Contrary to popular opinion, I do go on vacation. This is a narrative of what happened and what I liked and didn’t like.
I haven’t had a family vacation since June 2019. We haven’t taken a Florida vacation since 2016, two weeks before I joined Amazon. It’s telling I have blog entires about neither. Both were PM (Pre-meds) and I went kicking-and-screaming. With my wife and I finally on the same page about finances, we agreed to take a trip to Orlando before Maria was out of our house.
What happened in 2025?
My Dad is still alive and doing well. My mother died December 8, 2024. The next 30 days were a complete blur, so one could consider all of 2025 the hangover. Dad has a girlfriend, is working every day, and continues his building projects on the 92-acre farm where I grew up. Yes, even at 73.
Personally, I hear half the things he does and at 47, I need a nap.
Some people mark milestones of the “Christmas they got a bike,” or “Christmas I got an XBox.” That never mattered to me, particularly. My spoiled self often got those things too, but my real, burning desire was computers.
As a member of GenX, I was fortunate enough to surf the tidal wave of personal computing. From my earliest memory in the mid 1980’s, we had a “keeping up with the Joneses” TI-99x in our household. I remember it having a super-clicky keyboard and playing games on cartridges. But that one wasn’t mine.
College barely makes sense these days. In particular, Private colleges are utterly preposterous.
This isn’t about “marketable degress” or pedagogy or woke/MAGA or any such crap. I’m talking about MONEY. Those decades of cost-of-college outpacing inflation have come home to roost, and combined with the demographics crash of the post-2008 cohort going to college, I’m seeing a death spiral.
My daughter went Early Action at several colleges starting in August, getting a jump on the enrollment process and working to function as a “driver” not a “passenger” in her collegiate journey. She’s been incredibly active since her Sophomore year, and we’ve visited most colleges in Texas that might even be of interest. See some of those details in college search.
“Huh. Looks like rain.”
Indeed. We had a catastrophic flood this summer, and as we sit we’re still at about 40" of rain for the year. Average annual is about 35", and most years we’ve lived here, it’s been more like 25-28". Any way you slice it, it’s been a good year for rain.
So off-and-on today, it looked like low clouds, bright sunshine, thunderstorms, and everything in between.
So after I couldn’t retain the will to live (see next review), I switched over to Gareth J. Powell’s excellent “Embers of War” book, the first of a trilogy
So, by end of week Amazon May Be Smaller. No idea if I’m affected, but it helps me to write about it, so here we are.
I spent seventeen years at a place with only one strategic move: Downsize. In that 17 years, there were constant rumors about “rightsizing”, “downsizing”, “aligning headcount”. The constancy made it gallows humor. It also made me erratic and flinty at home. As sole breadwinner–by choice–I knew that my growing family required me to have a job. There was no plan B.
This is going to be a boring review. I listened to this audiobook, got to the end, found it so utterly unsatisfactory that it deleted itself from my memory.
That’s Katabasis for you.
Let’s begin: I have a soft spot for Hell. I read the Cliffs Notes for Dante’s Inferno when I was 10, then the actual work many times since I was mid-teens. Orpheus, Hades Town, you name it–I like people’s takes on Damnation.
I don’t know where to start.
So the US Government shut down at the end of the fiscal year, midnight on October 1st. Auspicious beginning, that. Both sides blame one another, and I’d give a slight edge to the R’s blaming the D’s for refusing to pass a continuing resolution. Neither side has its stuff together, particularly, but at least one side was going to keep public employees…well…employed.
Our infant-in-chief has done other things since then but it’s more “flood the zone” crap. Demolishing part of the White House to build a gaudy ballroom named for himself on donated funds from those who bent-the-knee. Canceling negotiations with Canada (Canada?) because they ran an ad he didn’t like. Blowing Venezuelan boats out of international waters because we feel like it. Shelling California from the sea during the 250th Marine Corp Birthday, causing traffic on I-5 to back-up. Threatening to “cancel NASA”.
So, let’s get it out of the way: Tron: Ares is a boondoggle.
This movie comes 15 years after its predecessor, Tron: Legacy, and forms more of a direct sequel to 1982’s Tron. Ares makes reference to Legacy but only in the sparest, “Let’s be in the same universe” way.
In any case, this is a $150 Million movie that, like Legacy will underperform. It doesn’t have broad appeal, but in the following paragraphs I’m going to defend why I actually LIKE this movie, and it might be worth a watch, even if you’re not sold on the Tron universe.
I’m starting to get this blog into shape again. The transition to hugo was never fully complete, and I didn’t fully get the publishing workflow setup. The Blogger-to-jekyll script did scrape the comments into their own posts, but they didn’t actually get segregated and so many of my posts with comments just became the comments posts.
I still don’t fully have the hang of the << ref >> syntax, but I’m getting there. Zed has been a joy thus far. I’m fully off of VS Code and I don’t see compelling reasons to go back as it has MCP integrations of its own.
So, 20 years ago today, I got married. From three days in to the marriage I screwed things up, and have continued to do so since. My wife is honoring her commitment to me, but honestly she signed-up for none of this.
In this post, I’d like to enumerate some things I’d do differently if I had a time machine.
I’d still get married. It must be said: I love my wife, and I was head-over-heels in love with her when we married. I firmly believe I would be dead or in prison if not for my wife. And of course I love all our children. No regrets.
So I quit some of my podcasts:
| Podcast | Theme | Review |
|---|---|---|
| Bloomberg Hot Pursuit | Cars | It eventually got tiring to hear about what the 0.001% did, car-wise. |
| Everyday Driver Car Debate | Cars | Just repetitive dreck. |
| It Gets Late Early: Ageism in the Workplace | Corporate Life | We’re all getting older and the jobs aren’t. It sucks. It will continue to suck. |
| Mayim Bialik’s Breakdown | Psychology, Celebrities | One too many episodes about crystals |
I’m trying to do more audiobooks. Probably some reviews soon
“You know, you could take some time off”
“Yeah, but I know myself well enough to know I won’t.”
I awoke this morning knowing I had to make it to work for a 9:30 meeting…in a former life that’d be laughably late, but now it’s early. Maybe I’ve finally become institutionalized to Austin’s “10am at the earliest” culture, or maybe it’s the 45 to 60-minute drive, or just simple burnout. Since we returned to office 5 days per week this year, it’s just been a grind. Having the flexibility to work-from-home even 1 day a week helped. Now: This is life.
Our last bunny, Joe, died suddenly today. He was about 8 years old.
As we were preparing to walk out the door, I went in to feed Joe his morning pellets as usual and he was sitting in his hutch flaring his nostrils and biting at the air. It seeme like he was struggling to breathe. Well, that’s not good, I thought.
Grace came in and picked him up, taking him to Whitney but he seemed desperate to get out of her arms. Looking back on it, I suppose he was smothering. He bounded down onto the kitchen table and hopped a few times. Then Grace picked him up again.