Underworld Meh. Take Blade, remove the throbbing soundtrack, satisfying action sequences, suspension of disbelief, and credible (!) backstory, add Kate Beckinsdale in a catsuit. You have KATE BECKINSDALE in a CATSUIT for TWO HOURS! How the freak do you make a movie this bad?
Let me sum this up: It’s just like the book. The book makes no sense; neither does the movie. It’s unwatchable nonsense most of the time. The whole point of the book is to catch Douglas Adams’s quotes and sideline commentary. Only redeeming part: My favorite Elf (Zoe Deschanel) is trillian:
300 Tagline for the movie posters: This has to be the best movie involving half-naked [gay] men I’ve seen all year. Okay, I’m a history buff, and I’ve reviewed Other works about Thermopylae before. In many ways the Pressfield book (and, I’m assuming, Frank Miller’s graphic novels) were better interpretations of Thermopylae, but the movie was interesting. Some advisories: - Yes, it’s that gory. It’s about a battle waged hand-to-hand over three days, and it gives you precious little time to forget that. It doesn’t exactly glorify battle, but it does remind us that modern warfare is much more antiseptic than its ancient forebear. ...
Watched this trainwreck with Whitney last night. Full disclosure: I LOVE Maya Rudolph. Love her. Don’t know why. Anyway, the movie’s basically Mike Judge running amok for 90 minutes with Matte paintings, bad SNL actors (sorry, redundant. Should say: “SNL Actors”). The premise is pretty good, actually–that smart people will be squeezed out of existence by dumb people who have LOTS of kids. Think the dumb kids in high school that get all the attention and resources, spread over a planetary scale. ...
This shot says it all: It’s 1966. Real Formula cars. Real formula one drivers (Brabham, Clarke, Rendt…all legends). Filmed on 65mm Panavision at the real racetracks. In my opinion, they should never make another racing flick. None could be better than John Frankenheimer’s 3-hour epic Grand Prix. I got the DVD for Christmas, putting it on my list purely by reputation–this is the same instinct that I used in buying “Grand Turismo” for Playstation. ...
Okay, let me get this out of the way. I’m a heterosexual man, and Daniel Craig is damn sexy. And he can act. He plays Bond in the raw–all power and ego, a “blunt instrument” of death. Marvelous! Yet, we find Craig’s Bond compelling, even disturbingly human. He’s an orphan, sponsored through the best of Britain’s schools, fresh off his first two kills for MI-6. When we first meet him, he’s found a like for killing, but by the tragic ending of the movie two hours on, he knows how much of his soul he destroyed in acquiring that taste for blood. ...
This was a waste of time: A premise that can’t sustain a feature-film, combined with Jim Carrey’s hammy performance had Whitney and I surfing the web during the DVD. Lone bright spot: David Duchovny is one VERY lucky man. Tea Leoni, as in “Spanglish,” was a lift to every scene she was in.
The powers that be bought the whole regular employee cadre tix to the matinee of Superman Returns. I hated it, but then I didn’t care for the first 4. The movie comes (in the dc comics reality) after the events in Superman II, but prior to those of Superman III. Superman left 5 years ago to investigate the last-known position of Krypton, his homeworld, only to find the world has all but forgotten him and that his former love has a new live-in man and a 5-year old kid. ...
Cars Cars is, possibly, the best pure movie about cars ever made: It celebrates all that is wonderful about automobiles–freedom, exploration, and competition, all the while ignoring environmentalism, urban sprawl, and the disconnectedness that the automobile has imbued. Cars is the latest effort from John Lassiter, renegade 3D animation pioneer and partner of Steve Jobs in Pixar. It follows 3D monuments like Toy Story, a Bugs Life, Monsters Inc., Nemo, and the Incredibles, and like them it’s a character-driven story. This time the protagonist is Lightning McQueen, a “Piston Cup” (wink, NASCAR!) rookie car who ditches his team in his quest to win the title himself. Surprise, he blows a tire on the last lap, forcing him into a 3-way runoff with King, played by Richard Petty, and Chick Hicks, the antagonist. ...
This godawful tripe, shot in location in Ireland, is slow, pointless, and invents ways to make love, battle, and death boring. Don’t see it, even on netflix. You’ve been warned.
March of the Pengins does many things for you: Makes you thankful for being human Impresses you with the stark beauty of Antarctica Reminds you how fragile life is This is a wonderful film to share with the family, and became the centerpiece of a warm evening with Whitney, Joey, and I in front of the fire.
link Whitney and I ran out to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire matinee at Georgetown Theatres yesterday, and I’m of two minds about it: On one hand the acting, individual scenes, effects, and “wizard world” are all stunning, but on the other, the movie is unsatisfying. I attribute that dissatisfied feeling to the underlying book itself. “Goblet of Fire” transitioned the series from the Harry story-arc to the rise of Voldemort, and the movie makes a briefer trail through the same ground. ...
Setting the stage, I write this blog as my darling Bella exclaims, “And by the way, it’s NOTHING like ‘Garden State’”. Yes, this Cameron Crowe written/directed opus is long, unconventional, and dialog heavy, but Whitney and I both loved it, and any Kentuckian is sure to love it as well. Nominally, “Elizabethtown” is the story of a wayward shoe designer (Orlando Bloom) who lost his benefactor corporation “roughly one billion dollars”. At the very moment he’s going to ginsu himself, he learns his father, favorite son of Elizabethtown, Kentucky, has died. His mom’s thrown into overdrive, his sister is a mess, and he–as oldest–must fly from Oregon to Kentucky to bring his corpse home. What follows is a non-conventional fish-out-of-water tale, shot in and around Central Kentucky, as our wayward designer finds life and love. ...
As reported over on Gabe’s Blog, here’s a snap of the new, extended wheelbase mini: * * * Had insomnia last night so I finally decided to watch Sin City This stylized movie version of Frank Miller’s graphic novels by the same name stars nearly everyone in hollywood who’s under 40 and who’ll work for under $2 million: Brittany Murphy, Rosario Dawson, Jessica Alba, Josh Hartnett, etc. Dark and surreal, the “plot” is actually 5-6 vignettes that occur in “Sin” (short for Basin) City, a land of angels, demons, murderers, and corruption, with the normal Film Noir inversion of sympathentic/antagonistic chracters–the “officials” are mostly evil, and the ex-cons and prositutes are the “good guys”. ...
Just watched Jack Nicholson’s opus One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest and I’m moved by how big this “little” film was. Nicholson playes R.P McMurphy (“Murph”), a petty con-man who talked his way from a chain gang into the insane asylum. The supporting cast is a who’s-who of character actors: Danny DeVito, Christopher Lloyd, Scatman Crothers, etc. On a level, it’s the same plot as “Cool Hand Luke”: Wiseguy gets into trouble, imprisoned by some sadist, and yet he finds a way to separate himself and enjoy his incarceration, all the while plotting his escape. It’s the same anti-establishment, anti-hero role, and it has the same tragic denoument. Also like “Luke”, this film’s hero is not the protagonist, because ultimately he’s the same static character, the catalyst for the other actors. ...
Mr & Mrs Smith, starring Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt was one of the most entertaining and genuinely funny movies I’ve seen in a long time. A preposterous mismash of “Spy versus Spy” and The War of the Roses, the film hinges upon the genuine chemistry between Jolie’s type-A techno spy against Pitt’s type-B, shoot-from-the-hip spook. Okay, these are two of the sexiest people on earth, and they’re given this kind of premise. This movie’s going to sell popcorn :-) ...
Nausicaa is one of Miyazaki’s best animes, and it was my pleasure to watch the re-released US version yesterday. The film combines many of miyazaki’s important themes, like environmentalism, the evils of technology, and the general stupidity of humanity about all things environmental. Unlike some other Miyazaki films like “Spirited Away”, this is an action movie, following the princess of the valley of the wind, Nausicaa, as she flies in her glider, dodging bullets and two warring factions from what remains of humanity 1000 years after a nuclear war. ...
Sideways: What’s the big deal? I mean, it’s a decent story and it WILL make you want to try Pinot Noir, even though it’s the most tasteless, bodiless wine out there. This is not a funny movie, as it’s made out to be. It’s a sad, cautionary tale of a divorced man beginning the long decline of middle age who must witness the joie de vive of every other person in Napa valley as he reflects on his own failures. It’s well acted, and there are moments of comic relief, but the general thread (“This guy is SUCH a loser”) runs so strong that I never could get into the other characters. ...
Spanglish is a revelation: Touching, genuine, intimate, and involving, it’s the “small” picture at its best. The story is one of integration and separation, as a single latino mother (the stunning Paz Vega) makes a way for herself and her daughter in the swankiest parts of Los Angeles, amid a family tearing itself apart. The mother is a control-freak basket-case (Tea Leoni, taking a page from Annette Benning’s character in American Beauty), the father (Adam Sandler) an irresolute chef afraid of his own restaurant’s success. Their two children are amazingly well adjusted, considering. ...
Mike Nichols’ Closer is one of two movies I hate but grudgingly respect, the other being The Rules of Attraction. Closer is the depressing tale of relationships gone wrong, fidelity ignored, and carnal lust indulged and counter-indulged to the last. This is one of those art house films that can’t quite decide if it’s brilliant or irrelevant. As it begins, we find Dan (Jude Law) meeting the displaced American, Alice (Natalie Portman). Dan’s a failed novelist who’s writing obituaries. Later, we see him publishing his first novel, as Anna (Julia Roberts) photographs him. Dan makes a pass as Anna, even as Alice is on the way to meet him at the studio. All the characters read brilliant lines with no emotions. ...