Humor

You’re eating “Macaroni and spaghetti sauce”, because you made Kraft Mac’n’Cheese without realizing you had no milk.

Amid a very boring status meeting, my co-worker S, from Ukraine broke out the following when someone said, “It’s just that close to being done” “Russian proverb says, ‘Your elbow is near, but you can’t bite it’.” :-) Worth going to that worthless meeting just for that.

How to know you’ve been working some very long days: Email from manager: “I’ll be out for Jury Duty the next two days…” You: [Homer Simpson voice] “mmmmmmmm…..Jury Duty”.

viciously stolen from Fark: Alabama: Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t Be Wrong! Arizona: But It’s A Dry Heat Arkansas: Literacy Ain’t Everything California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedys Don’t Own It Yet Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids Georgia: We Put The “Fun” In Fundamentalist Extremism ...

Brilliant Dilbert-ness: PHB: “My keyboard is broken. It only types asterisks for passwords.” Dogbert’s tech support: “Try changing your password to five asterisks.” (As an aside, I’m impressed our beloved PHB knew that those starry things were ‘asterisks’.)

LOL!! THIS IS ME! I particularly like: - Your email address refers to your race car rather than to you. - You have car parts in your cubicle at work. - After your answer to “What did you do this weekend?” the next question is always: “And you do this for fun? Right?” - Your first date involves asking her to crew for you. - A neighbor asks if you have any oil, to which you query, “Synthetic or organic?” and they reply, “Vegetable or corn.” - Everywhere you go, you try to find the fastest line through the turn. - You always do a toe & heel downshift while whoever might be your passenger gives you a real funny look.

Seen on a Wendy’s drive-thru window: “Picture menus available on request” ergo, “If you can’t read this message, we have menus you can use.” Another famous one: “Can’t read? Call 1-800-….”

Daily wisdom from slashdot Joe was an engineer. He worked hard, studied hard and took pride in his work. He was also faithful to his wife, raised two children to be solid members of the community and attended church every Sunday. Finally after a full life Joe died in his sleep one night. On awakening he found himself facing St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. Peter looks in his book, and finds that Joe is not in the Authorized list. He looks at Joe and says, sorry!, pulls the trapdoor lever and Joe starts falling. Joe yells “Wait there must be some Missstaaakeeee”. ...

Quick one: Q: What’s the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside.