I attended the Central Ohio Software Symposium in Columbus, Ohio this past weekend.  What follows are my reviews of the event overall and the individual sessions I attended.

Overview

Most conferences suck, frankly.  They’re usually put on by a single company, and are a combination of too much marketing pitch, too little content & reality.  As it’s name would suggest, a No Fluff/Just Stuff conference is none of that.  No vendors.  No showy crap.  Just industry-leading experts presenting what they’re doing and how they’re doing it.

Thanks for the “Kevin Smith” link to my …

Doug - Jun 4, 2011

Thanks for the “Kevin Smith” link to my Twitter. :)

Cleaning-up my life, mostly.

Next week will mark 9 months on the upward swing, moving from a place of depression, passivity, and “life of quiet desperation” to a place of reality, assertiveness, and self-confidence.  I’m not “there” yet.  Likely, I never will be, fully–that’s the humility that comes with this process.  Growing-up and gaining contentment (NOT complacency!) is a continuous process.

Things that have helped me along the way, so far:

In a phrase: It obviates your need to think.  It encourages you to simply react.

I’m reading this great book by Andy Hunt called, Pragmatic Thinking and Learning.  A key thesis in Chapter 5 is “Think, Don’t React”.  Reaction is emotional, and involves the fear-based lower brainstem, engaging in stuff like “Fight or Flight,” Territorialism, Hissing at problems.  If you’ve read my blog from years past, I’ve done plenty of hissing at a problem.

This is part confessional, part “working it out on paper”.

I am an intuitive, synthetic problem solver.  That is, more often than not, a holistic solution pops into my head.  I don’t really work it out; I just wait for inspiration to strike and then try like hell to keep up with it.  It oftentimes feels like someone else solved the problem when I’m done.

So, what’s the big deal?  I mean, the problems get solved, and my paychecks keep coming, so what of it?  Well, it’s tough being a Computer Scientist with this frame of mind.

I’ve been part of two SCRUM rollouts so far.  One was a grassroots effort, the other organizational.  I have some thoughts I’d like to share, in no particular order.

• It’s no silver bullet.  Repeat that last sentence 10, 50, 1000 times until you believe it.  If your work habits, talent, training, and support roles suck, your (insert work product here) will still suck using SCRUM.  On the bright side, you’ll understand that in 2 weeks to 2 months, instead of years after the product is in the field
• SCRUM teams: 10 people max, and that’s pushing it.  Five is better.  I was on a 6 person SCRUM team, and it was great.
• Team of Specialists versus Team of Generalists?  I’ve no idea.  I’ve arguments for either approach, and no one answer fits everywhere.  Yay, “It depends.”  I could be a consultant.
• The team must see the value in SCRUM.   It’s a lightweight process, but it requires them to think and communicate on a level they haven’t before.  If it’s a drag AND they have to communicate to one another, they’ll abandon both.
• Don’t B.S. the acceptance criteria.  If you don’t complete a user story, you don’t get credit, period.  This sort of boundary helps focus the SCRUM team when it’s committing to a story.
• Enable the team to organize itself once it’s gelled.  Yes, that means kicking the dead weight overboard, too.
• Empower the SCRUM master to do his/her job.  Measure if s/he does it.
• Project Manager != SCRUM Master.  The skillset and attitude is different.
• For heaven’s sake, DO NOT MAKE THE TEAM LEAD THE SCRUM MASTER.  I was a team lead and a scrum master for about 2 weeks.  Disaster ensued, and I got help for my team.  Basically, anything that lets the team lapse into a parent/child relationship will destroy a SCRUM team–they must feel like they have the power to make something happen.

Some things that I don’t think SCRUM wholly solves (nor seeks to, if you seek a cop-out):

So, the other day, Whitney and I found ourselves at the UK Arboretum enjoying one another’s company and remarking on how little clothing 18-22 year olds wear while exercising.  As part of our walk, we discussed the next step in our lives.

You see, the last 5 years hasn’t been all roses for us.  It’s only in the past 8 months that I’ve gotten my head screwed-on straight about my faith, my place in this world, and my attitude towards life.  If you read enough of this blog, you can chart my up and downs like a sine wave, especially when I was 25->30.  Sometimes, I’ve been there for my family; other times, I’ve hidden at work or in my own destructive pursuits, leaving Whitney to be a single parent to 1, then 2, now 3 children.

all I have to say is,“WHAT IS WITH YOU LEXING…

Whitney - May 3, 2011

all I have to say is,“WHAT IS WITH YOU LEXINGTON PEOPLE AND THE RED?! Red is not an interior color that calms! It is ATROCIOUS - not attractive!” Is there such a thing as a colour lemming? ;)

I went to college with a guy, M, who was homeschooled and had nearly perfect elocution.  Bizarrely perfect, in fact, since he came from Winchester, Kentucky.  To be precise M didn’t have elocution, he had diction–his voice was distinctive and every word was measured.  He also spoke, as Peter Egan would say, as though he was holding a pencil clenched in his back teeth.

One day he was describing the next course in his Business degree.  I swore he said, “Mmmmkro”.

I’ve been a Dave Ramsey follower for 9 years now.  Granted, I’ve never made it past baby step 3 because I’m a selfish spendthrift, but I’ve kept my debt load admirably low throughout that period.  We’ve pretty much saved-up for everything we bought in that time, aside from our Honda Odyssey, and I swore with that one that I’d let that sick, in-debt feeling stay with me so I’d never make that mistake again.

I still argue it was worth the debt. I’ve nev…

Whitney - Mar 5, 2011

I still argue it was worth the debt. I’ve never slept that well. A great night’s sleep was worth it.

I think it was, too. Honestly, I assumed we’d be sending it back after 30 days and buy something sane.

Much like the Miele vacuum cleaner, though, GEEZE what a product. Great stuff…look forward to 20 more years with it.

What do cars and electronics have in common?

Pornography improves the breed.  

More generally, both benefit from something that captures the imagination and drives obsessive behavior and improvements to the delivery medium.  For electronics, this was VHS, DVDs, HDtv, internet, streaming video, etc.  For cars, this was racing.

Where did most of the technology we use today come from?  Rear-view mirrors, synchromesh transmissions, fuel injection, electronic engine controls, high compression/high rpm operation, turbochargers, ABS, traction control, stability control, all derived from the singular, “Racing improves the breed.”

The best feature of a Toyota Camry XV20?  External temperature gauge.

Yes, the car’s practically perfect, in that annoying Mary Poppins way, but I love clicking that button on the dash and seeing the outside air temperature.

I deactivated my Facebook account today.  Here are the reasons:

• It’s overwhelming.  The avalanche of minutiae from my fellow human beings was too much to process.    
• It’s irresistible.  I’d find myself checking it each morning at 5am, each night before going to bed, and during lunch each day, in lieu of actual human relationships up to and including my own wife and kids.  You Social Network–er, Facebook– guys have done your job.  You’ve invented crack for the mind.
• It’s way too easy to be a voyeur.  The visual and emotional pornography available on Facebook far surpasses any romance novel or soap opera.  Seriously, you can watch people hook up, argue, and witness their marriages dissolve in slow-motion.  It’s real-life, emblazoned and sanitized behind an online profile.  For myself, that kind of drama drains me.  Which leads me to…
• It dissolves actual relationships.  Sure, IRC, chat rooms, AOL, and–hell–plain old love letters have done this before, but Facebook makes it too damned easy for every old-flame and crush to find you and weasel their way back into your life.  Just like with internet pr0n, those relationships on FB are easy–seductive, even–and you can keep them at arms length.   Real people are messy and they happen in real-time.  That also makes them 10 million times more interesting than someone’s online persona.
• I think Mark Zuckerburg is evil.  I think Facebook is evil.  As of today I finally put my money where my mouth is and fled the other way.

To a degree, I realize I’ve ostracized myself as of today.  There is no true competitor to Facebook.  Twitter, as one irreverent observer put it “is for nerds and [lose women]”.  Certainly, twitter’s not for everyone–my Aunt Norie is a great practitioner of FaceBook, but I can’t conceive of her using Twitter.  On the other side of it, e-mail is dead–it’s as much a chore to read and respond to email today as it once was to bang out a letter and send it via USPS.   Peer-to-peer communication is via SMS, and looks to remain so into the near future, until we all kill ourselves texting while driving.

I think Mark Zuckerburg is evil too! Good for you …

Prathima - May 4, 2011

I think Mark Zuckerburg is evil too! Good for you that you are not on Facebook anymore! P

• Joey and I went to TRON: Legacy 3D last night.  On the way home, he posed the following question: “Hey Harold, so what if when I was a freshman in high school, I met some girl who had hair just like Quorra, and who looked just like Quorra, and who had a TRON outfit like Quorra?”  My reply: “Turn and run the other way as fast as you can.”
• Yes, Olivia Wilde steals every scene she’s in.
• Oh, and the 3D wasn’t worth the extra $$$.  Tron in 2D on an appropriate screen is still a beautiful film, the minimalist counterpart to the sensory overload of Cameron’s Avatar.
• Sometimes, gravity is not your friend. Ouch.
• I welcome our new Verizon overlords.
• I love the motorcycle shots in TRON (those in the real world, on the Ducati), but I think I’d like something more comfortable in real life.

• Each year I get to watch my boy appear and disappear in a 24 hour period.  I hate that.
• It’s amazing how rewarding it can be to put something together with your kids.  This year, I got to put together a playschool dollhouse, a K’Nex Twisted Coaster, and an er…um….something to do with mechanized hamsters that need exercise.  
• A toy is evil if and only if it requires batteries.
• I find Michael Bay’s Transformer’s movie mesmerizing in that “If its on, I have to watch it” way I usually reserve for Airplane!, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, and The Ten Commandents.
• Bad news is worse at Christmas somehow.  It’s like you’re in the foxhole, getting shelled, and the guy next to you farts.  Nothing to do but smell it.
• The Mattress sales industry should be regulated tighter than casinos.  Casinos at least offer comps.
• If you’re on the hook to feed your buddy’s dog while he’s on vacation, wear comfortable footwear.  Said dog may be off her chain and feeling athletic.
• Bulleted lists get tiring after 4 bullets.

I finished Meghan McCain’s Dirty Sexy Politics a few days ago, and I found it both naive and insightful.  Naive in that the book’s the equivalent of the hot date that goes nowhere:  Meghan tells all, but has frightfully little to tell of consequence, aside from her night in Nashville with John Rich and how she totally screwed-up that infamous GQ interview.

So, the other day, J-man and I were trekking to Shelbyville, Maria in the back seat.  Joey was bored and he started the “Guess a number between…”  Each time we play this game, I calc the ceil(lg(N)) of the higher number and request that many guesses, and I win every time.  ("Stand back, I’m going to try science!")

Anyway….Maria wanted to get in on this, too.   Which is fascinating, since she CAN’T COUNT.

Ruminations for today:

• It’s a crime there’s no site where you can put in reasonable search criteria (“manual diesel wagon”) and have it monitor AutoTrader, eBayMotors, Cars.com, Craigslist, etc. Sort of like Kayak.com does for airline tickets or Mint.com does for finances. Corollary thought: Some techno-geek/gear head like me invented just such a program, but loved it so much never left his Mom’s basement. Plurality of choice sucks.
• Both ‘cancelled’ and ‘canceled’ are correct English. The single-L form makes my brain want to explode.
• So, okay…until we invent telepathy, we’re stuck with language of some form to communicate ideas. Each language has its own strengths and weaknesses: brevity, density, beauty, expressiveness. Could we come up with something BETTER THAN ENGLISH, please?!
• Corporate communications is where English majors go to die.

In no particular order, here are the new cars I want to test drive:

I sit here in office 249, staring down the last work week of the year, the Meghan McCain tome Dirty Sexy Money winking at me. Outside, the temperature hovers at 17 F, as arctic air chills most of America.

Yes, I blinked, and the weekend was over.

So, what happened?

First, I saw Despicable Me with Maria Thursday night (yes, a little Daddy/Daughter time). Wonderful film, even if the tickets cost us $3 and the concessions cost $19. I laughed a lot, and Steve Carell is a genius. I’ve subjected Whitney to my (bad) Gru impression since Friday.