California Grievin'

All the Leaves are Brown
And the sky is grey
I’ve been for a walk
On a Winter’s Day

My college roommate Chris died last week. He was 46 years old, the same age as me. I have no idea what he died of. I was a groomsman in his first wedding in Orlando, Florida, though I don’t remember what year that was–early 2000’s likely 2001-2002. Chris was a guest at my own wedding in 2005, and likely would’ve been a groomsman if it was a larger affair. Chris & Jessica stayed in contact with Whitney and myself until they divorced, though again I don’t remember when that was…the latter part of the 2000’s.

Chris was a complicated person, and you never quite knew him. He was always transcendently intelligent–he could (and did) memorize anything. As the obituary notes, he knew the weather forecast for the entire United States…daily. He was game for about anything, and lots of fun.

I’ve found out secondhand that at least two women in his life didn’t hold the same opinion. At least two (probably 3) women would say the same about me. Taking a stab, I think Chris and I suffered alot of the same challenges mentally. Per the obit, he’d found a new wife, and had another son. I hope he’d found some peace in those years.

So, he’s gone. It’s been a tough 18 months in that regard.

Stopped into a church
I passed along the way…
You know I GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES
And I pretend to pray

(Random: I’d always understood that line to be “began to pray”. The actual lyric is so much more nuanced)

Roll calling it:

  • An elementary-high school friend Jason Henson died in February 2023. Jason was an amazing, intense, intelligent guy who never got out of our hometown and the drugs and despair got him.
  • My high school friend David Jones passed in August 2023. David was one of the best of us, gone too soon due to colon cancer that he fought for 5 years. I got to see him in May 2022 when he came to San Antonio for a clinical trial, but the pain finally got the better of him.
  • My mom very nearly died in winter 2023-2024. She was admitted to the hospital and “given up fer dead” (as the family tells it), but rallied and came out of it. She got COVID 2x, and pneumonia once.
  • Mom did pass away on December 8, 2024. She’d been under the care of a new doctor, a classmate of mine from High School, and she’d been doing so much better. Her cancer screens were clean. She’d been out for Thanksgiving Dinner a few days prior with friends. She felt poorly that Sunday, and dad went out to get breakfast. When he came back she seemed confused and he helped her walk to the bathroom. She collapsed and stopped breathing. Despite efforts from paramedics, she was pronounced at the scene. (more to say about mom in another post, I promise)
  • A mid-20’s son of a family close to us died in an Emergency Room waiting room in Missouri seeking care. They didn’t triage him as “urgent,” and from my understanding he coded in his chair. Unspeakable tragedy and indictment on our medical system as a whole, IMO.
  • Jason’s mom, Brenda, passed away this past week. Jason was always the apple of her eye.
  • Chris passed as described above.

My eldest daughter remarked, “What is it with us that the people around us keep DYING?”

I mean, I get it. It can seem like a “bad luck comes at once” situation, but my rational mind reminds us–we’ve been living a pretty charmed life. I went to a funeral every other month in Kentucky from the time I was a toddler until was about 10 (that was mom’s parents’ generation dying), then it stopped. Aside from a tragic death of my cousin at 16 and my own grandmother’s death when I was 22, there hasn’t been much. My cohort in school was relatively healthy from 20-40.

But as Mordo says, “The bill comes due.” For those of us who grew up drinking water with mine tailing mercury in it, some of our cells will do interesting things. My parents’ generation are 68-85 now.

My Dad and I are learning to communicate by text, and we’ve even progressed pass “Yes” and “No” answers.

Things really won’t be the same again after Mom’s passing. Just writing that sentence still seems weird. It still feels like she’s going to pop-up on FB messenger and ask me, “How are you, Sonny?” and “Do you need help with anything.”

No, Mom. We’re fine, thanks for askin’. We all love you. Take care of yourself, okay? I’ll talk to you later.

If I didn’t tell her
I could leave today (…I could leave today-AY)
California Dreamin'