Super Tuesday Ballot Items Rant

Harold Combs
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Step right up, folks, it’s YEEEEEHAAW election time in Texas.

Unlike the saner May primary in Kentucky, I’m now part of Super Tuesday, along with 13 other states.

Cutting to the chase, I intend to vote ‘Uncomitted’ on my Republican Presidential ballot, and I plan to abstain from voting for Cornyn or John Carter. I’m an MJ Hegar Republican, you see.

Anyway, I’m writing today to go over the 10 (yes, TEN) ballot propositions before me.

1. Prayer in School

Texas should not restrict or prohibit prayer in public school. (Y/N)

Analysis No, they shouldn’t. However, realize a side-effect of this is your kid’s kindergarten teacher can now say prayers to her Dark Lord Satan before each class. Or Zeus. Or a Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Remember: The Establishment clause is not only freedom OF your religion. It’s freedom FROM anyone else’s.

My vote: Yes.

2. Guns, Guns, Guns

Texas should reject restrictions on the right to keep and bear arms.

Analysis: Once again, Texas law means diddly squat compared to Federal and Constitutional law here. They might as well have said, “We are not like Virginia, agreed?”

My vote: No

3. Ban The Lobbyists

Texas should ban the practice of taxpayer-funded lobbying, which allows your tax dollars to be spent on lobbyists who work against the taxpayer.

Analysis This is a thing?

My Vote: Yes

4. Build that Wall! Build that Wall!

Texas should support the construction of a physical barrier and use existing defense-grade surveillance equipment along the entire southern border of Texas.

Analysis Whelp, the Feds ain’t gonna do it. We might as well. Pass the oil money.

My Vote: No.

5. I own my kids until they’re 18

Texas parents of public school children under the ago of 18 should be the sole decision-makers for all their children’s healthcare decisions including pshychological assessment and treatment, contraception, and sex eduction.

Analysis Everyone thinks they know their own kids. They don’t. I have the police station receipts to demonstrate my point.

My vote: No

6. No Trans Minors

Texas should ban chemical castration, puberty blockers, cross-sex hormones, and genital mutilation surgery on all minor children for transition purposes.

Analysis Trans people exist. Also, something like .1% of babies are gender-ambiguous at birth. It does seem odd that getting a tattoo–a reversible procedure–makes you wait until you’re of majority, but things like this don’t.

My vote: No.

7. Stop Destroying Confederate Monuments

Texas should protect and preserve all historical monuments, artifacts, and buildings such as the Alamo Cenotaph and our beloved Alamo, and should oppose any reimagining of the Alamo site.

Analysis Wrapping this in ‘Alamo’ language is HILARIOUS. Sometimes, you find-out ‘monuments’ are wrong and they get torn down. By this language, the statue of Joe Paterno would still stand in State College, PA.

My vote: No.

8. Do your job, okay?

Texas election officials should heed the directives of the Office of the Governor to purge illegal voters from the voter rolls, and verify that each new registered voter is a US Citizen.

Analysis If they’re going to ignore the law, I don’t see how this changes that. Also: Voter Suppression, table for one.

My Vote: No.

Bail in Texas should be based only on a person’s danger to society and risk of flight, not that person’s ability to pay.

Analysis Things with fixed fines mean “Legal, if You’re Rich.” Enough of that.

My Vote: No.

10. Term limits

Texas should limit our state legislators’ terms to 12 years.

Analysis Would be interested how Various case law will apply here. But in any cases

My Vote: YES