Day 4 Heads Down

“You’re choosing to watch the news. You can choose not to.”

Yesterday, made an excursion to Randall’s to get some supplies after I got my daughter’s medication in Cedar Park. The store had more than I expected, but the necessities had evaporated. Bottled water, paper goods, bread, milk. I saw a yuppie buying all the individual cereal containers, bragging about how he had “Fifteen Gallons of Milk” at home.

For himself.

As we both exited, I saw him loading up his (leased) BMW 320i and I threw-up in my mouth a little bit.

My body is adjusting to the work-at-home situation slowly. Ergonomically, it’s not great–the seat is nowhere as good as my Amazon-provided Aeron chair, but the 24" monitor is serviceable, though I could certainly do with another one. I took to opening-up my laptop yesterday and using it as a smaller (13") screen for non-core tasks like email and chat.

Even with those adjustments, I was just in pain all afternoon, especially lower-back. I haven’t been drinking enough water, and I haven’t been getting up.

Mainly, it’s been a struggle to look away from the news, to distance from the massive implications and whipsaw governmental interventions. The border to Canada closed yesterday. They’re talking about $2000 checks to every adult. They’ve delayed the need to pay taxes 90 days past April 15th, but one still must file by then.

There’s news that several vaccines for Covid19 are in trials, and there was a rumor that a flu antiviral was somewhat effective. Glimmers of hope as the hailstones (meteorites?) seems to fall all around.

The world will be changed by this, but I can’t take time to consider or grieve. I’ll need to maintain my job as long as possible, and support my family. I’m trying to resurrect my chutzpah from 2008, when I put my head down and buried myself in work and excelled. I was able to pull away from the pack because I was able to compartmentalize.

I’m no longer that guy. I hurt more. I have much more to lose. I’m twelve years older. Mentally, I’m a more integrated person. I don’t go to work and become another person; I’m just me. Right now that’s a huge roadblock on the road to getting through this.

God be with us all.