Some things are stories.
Some things are not. There are facts I remember about my idiosynracies and ticks, and those of my fellow humans that just don’t go anywhere. They’re kinda just…there.
These are those:
- I once roomed with a guy D.E.F. D had this curious Pavlovian response to riding in a car for any length of time > 2 minutes. He’d go to sleep. My other roomie once took him on a road trip from Georgetown, Kentucky, to Jackson, TN. D slept the entire way there and the entire way back.
- I hate the blue ring optometrists use for glaucoma checks. Basically it goes like this: They dilate your eyes, you can’t open them for love or money, and then you need to open like a droog from Clockwork Orange so the optometrist can move this DEATH MACHINE towards your eyeball. Really, it looks like a scene out of a Bond Movie, complete with bad dialog. Only here the thing–it’s not Sean Connery’s penis they’re going to ginsu, it’s YOUR EYEBALL. Usually, this procedure takes like 2 minutes at the end of the exam. Poor Dr. Jones in Jackson, Ky used to devote 20 minutes to this and we both dreaded it.
- Supposedly, there’s a puff-of-air thing they can do to check for glaucoma. I believe this is a lie perpetrated by optometrists, cruelly giving false hope there will be no more BLUE RING DEATH MACHINE.
- Once something reaches a certain level of messiness, I mentally refuse to deal with it. I focus my attention somewhere else, like a pair of shiny keys or maybe the weather outside. This drives my wife nuts, part 1.
- When I’m upset, I fold things. I’ve compulsively folded an entire load of towels without realizing it.
- When I’m REALLY upset, I clean things. I once reorganized my DVD collection at 2am while listening to PCHH
- I have an extreme fear/fascination thing with knives. Once when I was 2 or 3, I got my dad’s jacknife out and cut my fingertip to ribbons. Whenever I see my kids near one, I’m sure the same thing will happen to them. Yet, I like knives very much–my father and I used to bond over them every Christmas–and my cherished birthday present this year from my wife was a Ken Onion Chive by Kershaw.
- Segue: I used my pocket knife in lieu of scissors when wrapping all my gifts this year. Yes, I’m unaccountably proud of this.
- I seemingly can’t do household chores without music or a podcast playing. This drives my wife nuts, part 2.
- I have a mental block about the following things: Housepainting, Barbecue Grilling, Drum Brakes, carburetors, general carpentry, automatic transmissions, audio/visual equipment, HVAC operation & repair. I’m sure I could think of others.
- People with explosive tempers and feelings of paranoia oughtn’t own firearms. I do not own firearms.
- Tempur-pedic isn’t all hype. Try one for yourself.
- As I get older, I find increasingly fewer things offer any escape. Video games, meh. Kids…sometimes. Joey’s gone this week, and I miss him pretty badly.
- My phone is like a security blanket. Seriously can’t believe how fast I got here from May ’til now. This drives my wife nuts, part 3.
- I basically couldn’t care less what I wear, provided it’s decent and has < 2 holes in it. #tdmwn