We have a Product Engineer (1 step above a Technical Support guy) in the field today in San Diego, so I get to be the on-call guy here in Lexington for any problems he encounters. Given that I got here at 7, looks like 13 hours today, minimum. Ahh…timezones.
S’ok…I’m feeling creative.
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I got scared last night, mainly because I had double-strength coffee around 4ish and couldn’t sleep, my mind racing to every corner of the house (literally) thinking of what needs to be done and what could be fixed.
While buzzing inside, I thought of the Grey’s Anatomy episode last night, about a family enjoying their eccentric Southern in-laws hit head-on by an overworked intern who fell asleep at the wheel, killing the “big haired southern girl”–a wife, mother, and daughter. I don’t know why, but my mind swam to a simple, morbid calculus: Unless we die together, there’s a 50-50 shot that’ll be me watching Whitney die, whatever the reason–disease, accident, or crime.
At that moment, I realized one reason I’m not type-A: I’m afraid. Afraid of losing those I love. You have to ponder these sorts of things when you’re type-A, planning for them just like a trip to the grocery. You don’t CHOOSE to plan, you have to, compulsively. You experience the pain of loss little by little, working the odds, preparing. How does one live that way?!
I’ve wondered at Whitney’s fascination with death, but in that instant, I wondered that she could think of anything else. I love her and I pray we have a long, happy life together. That TV show (of all things!) reminded me of how precious that time can be. Amen.
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I think I’ll take Joey to the Legends game next Monday night. Hey, Type-A does have a _few_ advantages.